Funeral wishes: don't leave loved ones in the lurch

I talked to my mother about her funeral wishes not long ago. 

And I was glad I did because what she actually wanted was COMPLETELY at odds with what would’ve happened without that random conversation.

We have no reason to believe she was about to depart this world anytime soon. But she’d just told me about a particularly long eulogy she’d just heard at mass and I asked “was she trying to tell me what she’d like in HER eulogy?”

Not a bit of it. 

She replied: “No. What I’m trying to tell you is: I don’t want any of that nonsense.”

Nor does she want sentimental items placed on top of the coffin (possibly because it might include a somewhat incriminating ‘wooden spoon’ she used to threaten us with).

Insisting she didn’t want ‘any fuss’, she then went on to provide a very detailed list of what she did want, including music, readings, choice of undertaker – and a very useful tip on doing probate that would save thousands of euros (see below).

She also wanted the women of the family to carry the coffin, which I thought would be a nice final act of her own peculiar brand of Catholic feminism that she practised all her life.

Anyway the point is that this type of chat, which I only had by accident, is one we should be having with loved ones – but don’t.

Many people leave their families ‘in the lurch’ when they go, faced with needlessly onerous expenses and dilemmas.  

This week a new survey showed that two-thirds (66%) of adults in Ireland have not written a will and eight in ten (80%) have not shared funeral arrangements or made any such arrangements in advance. 

More than one in three have taken no measure whatsoever to prepare for their end, the survey of 1,000 adults by Royal London Ireland found. 

Here’s some simple tips that could help change that – and save many thousands of euros

Leave funeral instructions

If there are no instructions, at times of grief,  people tend to overspend on everything.

And this is the last thing the deceased person usually wants.

“When people leave their instructions behind, they're generally fairly simple. I've never heard a person say I want my family to spend as much as possible - to spend €500 or €1000 on flowers for example. It’s usually the complete opposite,” says Colm Kieran, funeral director and founder of Myfarewellwishes.ie, a website that helps people to plan their departure from this world.

Digital planning

Just 10% of people had shared passwords or digital account information with a trusted person before they died, Royal London Ireland’s survey revealed.

Yet this is a relatively simple thing to do. Either print off a list – which is handy to have anyway – or use an online checklist (see below).

Make a will

One in three people over 55 who responded to the Royal London Ireland survey have not made a will.

You can always do this yourself. A Post have a handy template on the insurance section of their website, for example. 

But this is one instance where we recommend getting a solicitor to help as long as they don’t charge too much (it normally costs around €150+VAT for a basic will). 

(Solicitors may charge so little for this job in the hope of getting to do much more lucrative ‘probate’ work later on but you don’t have to give them this job too.) 

A will can also be used to outline your funeral and medical wishes.

Leave cash available for your loved ones

Probate - the legal process of distributing a deceased person's assets – can take years.

 In the meantime, their bank accounts and payments may be frozen and investments inaccessible. This can cause huge problems.

Everlake, a Dublin-based wealth management advice firm, advises lodging cash into an account which your loved ones, particularly financial dependents, can access easily. 

In the event your death, a non-joint account with under €20,000 in it,  “may not require a grant of representation to access the account,” advises the official website Courts.ie. However,  contact the financial institution to check what they need as each have their own standards when it comes to probate.  

Tax-proof your inheritance

Three in four people over 55 have not given any thought to inheritance planning and its massive tax implications, the Royal London survey also revealed this week. 

Yet making the most of reliefs and exemptions could save your estate tens or even hundreds of thousands of euros.

As with all financial plans, your estate plan should be set up and regularly reviewed with a financial advisor. 

Make a checklist

Everlake has a handy checklist you can fill out online to ensure that you don’t depart this world in a disorganised way.

Its ‘Dying Tidily’ checklist is an all-in-one catalogue of essential details and documents that your loved ones should have to hand after you pass away. 

These include:

• Who to call when you die (solicitor, accountant, financial planner, friends and family)

• Funeral preferences

• Healthcare wishes or medical preferences (including organ donation)

• The location of valuable documents (such as birth and marriage certs, property deeds, Personal Public Service Number etc) 

• Financial records (such as details of bank accounts, insurance policies, investment accounts, loan and credit cards, company shares, share certificates etc)

• Any necessary passwords and usernames (including for bank accounts, social media accounts and emails)

• For parents of young children or children with special needs, the name/s of those they would like to act as their children’s guardian/s. 

The online address for the checklist is: https://issuu.com/everlakeireland/docs/dying_tidily_checklist - or you can use the above list as a guide to do your own.

PANEL

Northern Ireland is one of the cheapest places on these islands to be buried.

A double-depth plot costs under €700 on average in Northern Ireland compared to nearly €5000  in London (and twice that in some Dublin graveyards).

The report by insurance company SunLife also found one in five families found it hard to meet the costs of a funeral.

A third of people relied upon savings and investments, while around a quarter used a credit card. Another 25% had to borrow the money and one in five even had to sell belongings.

Some 63% of people who have organised funerals didn't get quotes from different undertakers or even look up their prices. in 45% of cases the deceased had already selected the funeral director.

The most common ways to cut costs include ordering a cheaper coffin, spending less on flowers, and having a home wake, according to SunLife's report.

Other budgeting measures are shopping around for undertakers' quotes, choosing not to embalm, opting for a direct cremation, not hiring a hearse or limousine, and not having order of service cards.

The top tip from funeral directors is cut down on flowers, followed by not using limousines and reducing catering costs. 

You can avoid spending hundreds on flowers by everyone to chip in for one floral tribute from everyone. Or you could also check out local florists instead of automatically relying the funeral director for these services.

Here's a selection of comments provided to SunLife by bereaved families:

• 'Embalming: we didn’t know we didn’t need it, and didn’t understand what it was and what it would do.'

• 'Death and funeral notices in local papers. No-one saw them anyway. It’s not how things are done nowadays.'

• 'Buying so many flowers. Didn’t really need them because lots of people brought flowers themselves.'

• 'Too many copies of the death certificates.'

• 'The hiring of two limousines – only needed one.'